It has been a very rough time in terms of my story. Over the past few months (perhaps since I graduated from Secondary School, perhaps earlier), my creative drive started losing its edge, and I no longer was able to come up with more ideas and inspiration to continue my project. It seemed that the bus hit a massive speed bump, ran out of petrol, got a flat tire, and the driver fell asleep all at once. Yeah, the thing came to a halt.

There were a great number of factors that contributed to the massive slowdown and the stagnation of the project. And since I like to do lists...

1. Happiness: That's right, fellas, bliss actually proves to be detrimental to the progress of writing the story. After all, I started writing the earliest draft of my story when I was profusely sad, lonely, and perceived myself to be without a friend (but I do admit, that was pretty much me going 'emo'. Thus, my Muse became my friend, guiding me through adventures that I could relate to that I ought to commit to writing. It was a great way to just channel all of that dark, contemptuous energy into art (if creative writing can be considered to be art), and it definitely helped me out of that seemingly endless moment of sadness that I was in.

But something unexpected happen. Things started turning around for the better. My academic marks hit the stratosphere (ok, they're not that good, but considering how most of my classmates started the slack off during the 'home stretch', I began to come to terms with my emotional issues, and I got accepted into University. What more could I have wanted? Oh, and this was around the time I actually started living my life.

Alas, that was around the time when the inspiration train began to slow down. It seems that the best of my writing comes out when s*** happens to me. Good news (or Bad News, depending on how one sees it) is a lot of tragic events have happened this year, and although not as emotionally crushed as before, I am once again in a state of despair and isolation. And thus, I am totally up for spilling out my sweat, blood, and tears (lots of it) onto a blank piece of paper.

Geez, it seems that I can't be inspired to write a 'white and fluffy' story with dandelions, ponies, and children. It's probably just how my (emo) right- side of the brain works...

2. Purpose: I originally did not wish to publish my story. I just need to do SOMETHING to relieve me from the pain and suffering I had endured. This was my alternative to shedding buckets of tears, and it was a great alternative, since I was getting tired of those cathartic moments. But yeah, I wrote for my own amusement and just let my creativity gush out.

But then I realised something. I asked myself several times 'Hey, how would Lin's adventures be if I were to show them to everyone?' Sometimes I was encouraged to write, sometimes I was discouraged to write. But nevertheless, I saw a prospect for the blooming of what started out as a idea in my head. Thus, I wish to one day publish it.

Accompanying the notion of publishing however, was another terrifying realisation. I took a quick look at my past work and realised 'geez, what's that smell? Whats with all this crap laying around?' In other words, my writing as it is isn't going to cut it. It's awkward at times, and can get over-descriptive and flowery. The last thing I want my work to seem like is that of Stephanie Meyer or Christopher Paolini. I'm not looking to make a fortune out of my story, nor do I seek to superimpose it on the cinema. I just want people to read it, but I am well aware of how I need to steer away from cliches, Mary-Sueisms, and other sorts of literary booby traps that lay around the world of creative writing.

Changing times require changing measures, and thus leads to...

3. Change!: I had the entire series (or what would have been the series) planned out in my head. From beginning to end, I knew exactly how things were going to turn out. Turns out, I really didn't.

It was going to be a trilogy (hmmm, no one has ever done that before, now have they?), and the story would be epic, and cool, and ground-shaking. But then the little critic inside my head throw a stone at my head and made me realise how arrogant I was for planning sequels far before the first iteration gets through.

I still think one book isn't enough for what I have planned for the book, but most of the stuff that I was planning is going to be put in a bin and thrown in the ocean. Most of the stuff I planned to put into the story was too Dragonball Z/Naruto/Bleach/any other insanely popular manga-esque to make sense. It would probably be cool if this idea was to be thrown into a manga series, but firstly, I'm not a mangaka/comic artist (I'm not even Japanese for goodness sakes (sake!?)!), and secondly, I can't draw.

But yeah, the cure is that I need to throw away all those preconceptions of what I was going to do for the story and start from scratch all over again. I need to forget about what happens to Mei when she gets tortured by Chi when I'm struggling to figure out her first attempt to flirt with Lin. The final battle between the protagonists and Lilim is irrelevant when I haven't figured out how Arcadia gets embroiled in conflict in the first place.

If it's too confusing, let me explain it like this.

There is a past, present, and future. I'm focusing on the past and the future, when the present is the most important element that I need to work on. The final thing is.

4. Centre Stage: Call me sick, and I probably am, but it seemed that I started to 'fall in love' with Mei, one of the major characters in the story. I haven't really worked with female characters before, and working with her was, in a way, magical. Now, this is in no way suggesting that I would have romantic feelings towards my character if she was a real person (geez, just typing that sentence out made me feel awkard! Gah! I would never think that way. EVER!)

Still, I wanted to know more about her, and her character easily gushed out. Problem was, what about everyone else? What about the very person she's in love with (unlike Bella-sue from Twilight, she has a legitimate reason for falling in love)? What her companions that give the story variety?

In short, I have neglected the other people. Lin, Alex, and Flavian need some loving, and hopefully I will be able to give them some. Also, the obsession with Mei also proved a little bit detrimental to her own character, as some Mary-Sueness started to sprout out. Fortunately, I have surpressed it, so it's all good in the hood.

But one major question remains: Will I finally be able to write my freaking story!?

I'm going to end this journal with a cliche saying: 'Only time will tell'

P.S.: I find it funny that all of America celebrates my Mother's birthday